dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
