Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We need to get me chipped asap
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
