i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
