my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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