so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
