I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
