just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
