I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
