All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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