Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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