he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
