Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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