Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
