i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
