we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
