It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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