He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
