You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
