I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
