also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
