This is not my ceiling
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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