Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
