Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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