she woke up with a sticky ear
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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