I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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