i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
