If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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