So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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