do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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