I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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