Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
