I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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