Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
...so i touched it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
