hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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