I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
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Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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