kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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