Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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