Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
