just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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