I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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