My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize