I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.