Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.