3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome