its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize