If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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