No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In America we eat man semen.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
