We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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