God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
