she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
