sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
