I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
