my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
