bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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