:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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