She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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