Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
