call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
