so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
