Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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