Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
