I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize