so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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