Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
