TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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