If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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