ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
