We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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