You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
