Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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