On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
