Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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