Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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