The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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