Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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