so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
