One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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