I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
