i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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