As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
