I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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