btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
