Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
